Evermore
by PrinceoftheUnicorns
Summary: [Kevedd, M for mature audience] Kevin blames himself for causing the accident, he tells himself he could have protected Eddward, he could have paid more attention to the road. Can he bring himself together long enough to stay by his lovers side through the recovery? Or will he break down into less of himself, pulling Eddward into the darkness that is his mind.
1. The Wait

**AN: **This isn't my first fan fic, how ever it is my first time posting one, I do truly hope you enjoy it C:

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Ed, Edd n Eddy

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He sat there quietly, backside numb from sitting in the rather uncomfortable chair for the past hour and a half. His elbows dug into his knees whilst there was an imprint of his fingers against his forehead. With each inhale, he trembled, his breath catching in his throat, nostrils flaring, and with each exhale he sighed heavily, trying his best to calm himself; to stop the quivering of his foot, and the shaking of his knee. There was a possibility that if anyone where to sit next to him, they would be able to hear the sounds of heart thrusting itself against his breastbone, beating wildly, quickly, as if he had just come from running; but in fact, he had been sitting there, in that terribly uncomfortable chair for just shy of two hours. Lone droplets of salty tears hung from his flaring nostrils as he kept his head down, forearms blocking the view of his broken face from any passerby; though truth be told, he cared not if anyone saw him, for he blocked them all out. He lost himself in the darkness of his mind, alienated himself from the population of patients, doctors and visitors all alike.

Without his conscious knowledge, lines of tears had begun to trek down his fleshed, heated cheeks. His eyes closed tightly and the unsteady beating of his heel to the ground grew in a harsh, unrhythmic pace. The young man was quickly growing uneasy, impatient and anxious, more so than he had been an hour ago. He didn't know how much longer he could sit there and wait, sit there and just do…nothing. Less than four hours ago two rather large doctors had to strap him down some random wheelchair because he had been loud, rough and rather uncouth. He needed to be by his boyfriend's side; couldn't they see the desperation, the strain on his face? Did they not understand that he had been there during the entire ordeal; he had been in the fucking car too! Being told to calm down, that everything would be alright while being strapped to a wheelchair wasn't the least bit reliving, but he had gotten himself under control, enough for the doctors to allow him to sit in the waiting room.

The young man had paced from one end of the spacious, white walled room, to the other for at least an hour; there was a slight limp to his walking, but he didn't care much to pay attention to it. In fact, it seemed the doctors cared more than he did and had bugged him about it for a good five minutes before he sat down to wait as patiently as he could. But all of that had been at least three to four hours ago, and with each passing minute, the young man found himself growing more and more apprehensive, restless and edgy. No one was giving him any information; instead they watched him from behind the receptionist desk, doing their jobs of answering useless phone calls, paging stupid, impractical doctors and doing unnecessary paperwork. All the while he sat there, letting the darkness of his thoughts get the best of him, his eyes wet from the tears that had long since fell, nose running and yet he cared so little that he didn't wipe his face.

He had been in the accident, right next to his boyfriend, watching him laugh, listening to him talk and go on about this and that; he had been there, had heard the initial screeching of the car that collided with the passenger seat's door. Nothing else could be heard other than the meshing of metal against metal, the screeching of tires against the asphalt; though he was sure his ears had begun to ring when his car flipped. It pained him to remember, though it flashed in his mind so clearly, how his car had fallen so hard on its roof, leaving him upside down, strapped in by his seat belt, but his boyfriend…that had been another story; he was nowhere to be found.

With a long, drawn out, shuddered sigh, he finally made a move to wipe his wet eyes and use his dirty shirt to rub at his nose. Rough, calloused hands pulled his hat from his head, and without care, he let it drop from his fingers, tired, burning eyes staring at it, glaring at the accessory.

Fuck.

Why wasn't anyone coming to talk to him! To reassure him that everything was going to be at least remotely okay! All the doctors that entered the waiting room simply walked past him to other visitors and those who waited to be checked up on, walked past him as if he wasn't even there, as if he wasn't waiting for someone who was in the ER in critical condition. Balled up fists were slammed down into shaking knees, a sigh of frustration was forced from his nostrils as he finally stood; his knees buckled for a brief moment, but he was quick to limp towards the receptionist's desk, leaning heavily against it, his palms flat to its glossy surface.

"Can't you tell me what's going on back there?" He spat angrily, the anxiety that he had felt inwardly suddenly boiling over as he lashed out at the three women that sat behind the circular desk. "I mean for fuck's sake how many hours has it been since we've gotten here! I don't know anything that's going on with him!" His voice was loud, hoarse from the silent crying, hoarse still from the copious amounts of screaming and shouting during the car crash. However, the brunette that sat before him simply eyed him with a sympathetic gaze behind her spectacles before turning her brown eyes to the woman beside her, a pudgy blond who, in all honestly, didn't look to know shit.

"I'm sorry sir, but Dr. Carlson strictly told us to keep you here; you aren't allowed in the emergency room." Her voice was shrill and pierced his ears just as the grinding of the hood of the car had against the asphalt. The young man gritted his teeth as he glared down at her, his face red, cheeks splotchy as they heated with anger; and yet he said nothing, he simply stared at her, breathing heavily. "You're just going to have to wait here like everyone else, so please, for the third time, have a seat." Her voice was sharp and unkind though her eyes were rather clear and understanding, yet he found that he hated her, loathed her for keeping him away from his most important person.

But he did as she asked him to and slowly made his way back to the chair he had been occupying for the past few hours, sitting with a heavy, long-winded sigh. However, it seemed he didn't need to sit for too long, as there was a doctor, male, of average height looking to be well into his mid-forties, who pushed passed the large double doors, a chart within his hands and a forlorn look upon his long, unshaven face. His eyes, shrouded by spectacles, looked worn and aged, wrinkled and rather unattractive, and yet, as they landed upon the young man, he was quick to perk up, sitting up properly from his prior slouched position.

"Alright Kevin." Dr. Carlson started, just as the young man stood, moving closer to the aged professional. "When you and Eddward entered the hospital, do you remember if he was speaking?" Came his first question, followed by, "Was he awake and conscious of his surroundings?". His voice was grim, quiet, as he watched the fidgeting youth before him.

Kevin stood there for just a moment, his breathing heavy as he did his best to recall the rushed moments from when he and Eddward had been taken to the hospital. He was silent for a moment or two before his deep forest green eyes met the doctor's worn brown orbs. "No…no…" The young man whispered quietly, his inhale of breath shuddered as he ran a hand through his cropped, copper colored hair. "No…he was unconscious, I-I tried talking to him, but he wouldn't respond." He whispered still, though he had cleared his throat in order to sound stronger than he felt. With a fallen facial expression, Kevin looked from the doctor and his charts, and instead drew a hand over his face, his shoulders slumping as he recalled trying to get Eddward to respond to him, trying to get the dork to open his eyes by insulting him, by calling him out of his name, by shaking his shoulder; though after short moments of trying, the EMT's had pulled him away and set him into a stretcher with a neck brace; he had fought them the entire time, kicking and screaming, calling out for his boyfriend to answer him back, lest he break up with him.

Usually the beanie clad boy would respond with a joke of his own, but not this time; there was nothing more than silence, a cold, uncomfortable silence.

"—lack of blood supply to the brain after traumatic crushing of the frontal lobe, we believe his prefrontal cortex took the blunt of the damage." Kevin looked to the doctor, his eyes wide, damp with newly formed tears, and yet he tried his best not to let them fall. "W-what?" He stammered quietly, sighing heavily as he flipped through Eddward's charts, shaking his head quietly. "He is still too unstable, we need to see if the excess swelling of his brain will go down on its own before having to release the pressure by hand." That aged, smoking voice broke though Kevin's ears, and the young man stayed silent, his eyes falling to the ground, finding it hard to look at the doctor. "We need to allow him time to try and repair himself, but if time dr—!"

"How much time?" Kevin interrupted, finally turning his eyes up to meet the doctors. An uncomfortable silence passed between the two, and just before Kevin opened his mouth to speak again, the doctor was answering him. "We don't know."

Nothing seemed to make sense to Kevin, he wasn't a fucking doctor, and some of what Dr. Carlson had said, truly didn't make a lick of sense to him, and yet, knowing that it would take an unaccounted amount of time for Eddward to… "Will he wake up soon?" His voice came out as small as he felt, his hands balling into tight fists at his sides. "Please tell me he'll at least…open his eyes…" The young man sounded drained and lost, his shoulders slumped heavily whilst his eyes had begun to feel dry and blurry from the sheer weight of the day.

Kevin watched as Dr. Carlson eyed him, the much older man having gone silent at his questions, his hands falling to his sides, the chart clasped in his grip. "It's undetermined when he will wake up, but as soon as he does, I personally will inform you." His aged voice had taken on a kinder, more understanding tone, almost as if he were trying to sooth the distraught young man. "But you must understand, this is a delicate situation. Because there is such great damage to his prefrontal cortex, there is a possibility that he will not recognize you when he wakes up." The doctor's words had Kevin feeling as if he were walking across a floor covered in broken glass. "

He felt cold for a moment, though the moment seemed to draw itself out into an eternity, even as the doctor reached out to grasp his shoulder. "We will try our best, Kevin." His voice was still warm, but even then Kevin felt cold, even then he backed away from the touch, shaking his head, bringing his hands to his face, hiding away his wet eyes.

"It wasn't my fault…" He whispered quietly.

"Pardon?" Dr. Carlson spoke up, the man raising a brow as he watched Kevin, watched the way the boy caved in on himself, his broad shoulders shaking, trembling violently beneath his leather jacket.

"I-I didn't see the other car…I s-swear!" Kevin's voice by now had broken down as he moaned into his hands, his eyes closed tightly, though all he could see then was the horrified expression riddled upon Eddward's face as the younger male finally noticed that there was a car mere moments from colliding with his side of the vehicle.

"—it isn't your fault." The doctor had been speaking, but for the second time, Kevin hadn't caught most of what he had said, and instead of asking for the older man to repeat himself, the young man simply moved to sit back down, his elbows to his knees, hands gripping his short hair, eyes blurry as he tried his best to compose himself. He sat there in a tense silence and it was only moments later did he realize that Dr. Carlson had returned to wherever he had come from. With a deep groan, he beat the ball of his hand to his forehead, his foot thumping upon the floor; he felt so close to losing Eddward, it frightened him to live a life without the gap-toothed brunette.

But it wasn't his fault right?

Right, Dr. Carlson had said so himself, but why did he continue to feel as if he could have saved Eddward from all of this? He could have taken a different route, paid more attention to the streets than to his boyfriend's laughter. He should have had his eyes on the road, both hands on the steering wheel; he should have had the music playing lower, maybe the car that had collided with them was honking, but he hadn't heard it.

He should have protected Eddward…but he hadn't.

The very thought of having his boyfriend slip through his fingers, all because he wasn't paying attention caused the young man great pain, so much so that he trembled visibly, his eyes were blurred with tears that fell down the slope of his nose to his the white tiled floor.

Kevin wasn't the sort to pray to God, and he certainly didn't attend church, however he found himself then, his fingers clasping together, silently begging to whoever was listening, that Eddward pull through, that he somehow wake up with his memories. He pleaded silently that the swelling of the boy's brain go down, that he wouldn't change…he _needed_ Eddward to live.

_Please...don't slip away from me…_

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_Now, that was the first installment/chapter to __**Evermore, **__I'm hoping to make it at least 10 chapters strong!_

I do hope to update once a week or once every other week!

I've been thinking about writing this ever since I returned home from San Francisco, so...I hope it was worth it (haha~) .

_Now, I'm not a doctor, and I only know so much, if there are mistakes in my medical knowledge, please inform me!_

_Questions, Comments, Concerns, Reviews! It is all, __**all**__ greatly appreciated, be it praise, neutrality, or even flames._

_-Potu_


	2. The Recall

**Note: **So, I've come to realize, I have a knack for breaking the hearts of this fandom. I love you guys, truly, you've all been so amazing to me! This entire chapter is a recall, hence the italics, for those who might get confused!

Thank you for reading! Reviews keep me sane!

Nathan Kedd Goldberg belongs to c2ndy2c1d!

**Muse: ** watch?v=yqDZAOfIwpw (have a listen if you truly want to get into my mindset, especially towards the end.

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_"Kevin, I do insist that you explain to me just where it is that we are going, this instant!" Eddward's voice, shrill and filled with a strange sort of annoyance, rang through the copper headed boy's ears as he came to an eased stop just behind a car that had stopped before the red traffic light. And yet, he stayed silent, gripping the steering wheel with a single hand as he reached out to play with the radio tuner; but before he could even touch the dial, Eddward was complaining that he had the audacity to pull him away from his studies without even so much as a slight explanation as to where they were going of what they were even doing. The older of the two found he couldn't help the soft chuckle that sounded past his lips as he eyed Eddward's red face, his cheeks splotched with the robust color, and honestly it wasn't the least bit attractive. Silent still, he reached out to gently brush the rough, calloused pads of his fingers against Eddward's flushed cheek, his lips pulled back in a rather endearing smile. _

_"I find it highly amusing that you think it is okay to barge into my house and into my room unannounced. Kevin I don't know how many times I have to tell you, you must call me ahead of time." Though Eddward spoke of being oh so amused, the had clad younger male simply looked furious; this wasn't the first time he had upset the brunette in such a way, being thoughtless of what he had been doing prior to the invasion, but Kevin knew that deep down, Eddward enjoyed spending time with his boyfriend, as long as he called a head of time of course. "—to use your phone more often, that's what you need to do." Apparently the younger male had continued to talk whilst Kevin simply stared on, that knowing smile turning into more of a teasing grin, and before he could allow Eddward to say anything else, he leaned over the space between them and in a quick showing of his affection, he smoothed his lips over those soft, fuller lips for just a brief moment before pulling away, smirking as Eddward refused to look up at him. _

_"It's about time you shut up and enjoy the ride sock-head." Kevin remarked with his smirk still firmly in place. When the car before them began to move, he did too, foot to the gas, a single hand upon the wheel as the other went back to the radio dial. "And besides, you've been cooped up in your room all week doing whatever the fuck it is you do—" _

_"Watch your mouth Kevin, cursing is so vulgar." Eddward interjected in a rather soft mutter; however, Kevin simply shrugged and continued on, his eyes on the streets before him. It had rained earlier and the roads were still slick and wet, he needed to be careful lest he press too hard on the breaks, sending both he and Eddward into the car before them. _

_"You haven't returned my calls or my texts. So you know what, I thought it was about time we actually tried to spend some portion of the day together." His words were spoken with a forced familiarity; however the tension in the car was so thick that the gentleness that laced his words was already evanescing._

_ It had been at least a month or so since the couple had spent any sort of real time together; sometimes Eddward spoke of having tests and class to study for, he would cancel on date plans to work on projects that were nowhere near due; ever the bold overachiever. But it wasn't just Eddward who seemed to no longer make an effort in the strained relationship; Kevin found many excuses in his work space, he too canceling movie dates and even sleepovers, stating many times over that he needed to be up early to make it to the shop, that his boss wouldn't like it if he were late. _

_The two had grown rather accustomed to this sort of avoidance, so for Kevin to pull Eddward away from his studies so abruptly, without notice, probably wasn't the best idea; but the copper-headed male found he didn't care, he was tired of making excuses and even more tired of avoiding Eddward. They needed to talk out their problems, the thick tension that had settled around them when Eddward started hanging out with that guy, Nathan Goldberg or whatever his name was. But there was so much more to it, more than just Eddward's choice of friends. Kevin had been spending more time with Nazz, even going as far as to put her before the gap-toothed male on a few occasions, he was guilty of disregarding a few of the younger males phone calls, ignoring his texts and even avoiding him all together. What had started out as a healthy, flourishing relationship had quickly crumbled into one that was bordering the abusive. There were arguments, verbal fights and even things being tossed to the ground in sheer spurts of anger; nothing was the same anymore, and Kevin wasn't sure if they could ever get back to the way they were. _

_With a longwinded sigh, Kevin drew a hand under his baseball cap and over his hair, pulling the accessory off so scratch at his scalp; from the corner of his eye he watched Eddward, the younger man fiddling with the hem of his shirt, and as Kevin continued to watch his nimble fingers, he could see that the brunette had taken up biting his nails again. He remembered talking to Eddward about the bad habit of biting his nails, the beanie wearing male explaining that it was done out of anxiety and stress; he had soon stopped the disgusting habit less than a week after they had started dating. _

_But before he could even question the quiet male about his nail biting, Eddward's voice broke the silence within the car. "I miss…us…" Kevin found this to be rather forward, and he found himself looking to the younger male with a raised brow, a frown quite apparent on his sharp features, but he silently ushered the other to continue, and after a moment, he did. "It's just…I've been so busy lately, Professor Anderson wants me to apply for the spring show, and he wants me to put one of my scientific inventions into the show." Eddward sounded rather strained as he spoke, but there was a small, lackluster smile upon the younger man's face, and still he fiddled with the hem of his shirt. "And I know, I know you've been busy too, with work, and with Nazz, trying to have your own space…" He trailed off then, and it was then did Kevin realize he had been gripping the steering wheel all too tightly, his knuckles having gone white. _

_But still, Eddward continued._

_"It's okay, because, we can try to make it up." His voice was soft; distant._

_"How?" Kevin questioned, rolling his eyes as he turned on his blinker, making a left turn down the wet streets, ignoring the sounds of rolling thunder. "I had to drag you out of your fucking room today Edd." His voice was harsh, unlike Eddward's who had taken to speaking quietly when things got too intense. "Look, can't we just forget about it and try to have a good day? That's not so much to ask for, is it?" Kevin gave a long, exasperated sigh as he eyed Eddward from the corner of his eye, watching as the younger male fidgeted in his seat. "We can go to the aquarium today; I saw that they were holding an exhibition on what dwells beneath a certain number of miles beneath the water's surface, or something like that." He gave a shrug as he focused on the streets once more, slouching in his seat as he came to a red traffic light. _

_"I've been reading into this exhibition for a few days now, Kevin how did you find out about it?" Eddward was smiling, and even if it wasn't the prized smile Kevin had grown so fond of, it was one that made him feel at ease, his grip on the steering wheel greatly loosening. "I called to speak with the programmer of the exhibition for tickets, and she said they had been sold out since the first week of its announcement." His deep brown eyes turned to Kevin, and the older male couldn't help but smile, looking to Eddward for a brief moment, still looking to the traffic light, waiting for it to turn green. _

_"I made sure to get two tickets before hand, booked them ahead of time sock-head." He teased softly, almost gingerly, not wanting to ruin what they had going on; it was nice, actually talking about something other than their broken relationship. "It's your kind of thing, so why not. I asked Smith if I could take off for the day, he wasn't too happy about it, seeing as I'm the only one who can fix a transmission without fucking it up." He gave a quiet chuckle, though it was silenced as Eddward glanced at him, silently reminding him about his language, though he still smiled and winked at the smaller male. _

_"You didn't have to…do this you know." Eddward spoke up after a moment of thick silence, but Kevin didn't answer him, instead he reached for the radio dial and finally turned it on, quickly buzzing through the channels until he crossed some sort of loud, obnoxious children's radio station. _

_"Kevin!" The male beside him squeaked, but the outburst of his name was followed by a stifled laugh, as they listened to music that once played when they were growing up. Eddward shook his head to and fro as his face grew dark with horror, the song quickly growing on him, and soon Kevin could see that the younger man wanted to sing it. _

_"Come on! You know you wanna!" Kevin teased, laughing as he sang along to the ridiculous lyrics about being a Barbie girl in a Barbie world. He watched as he drove, one hand on the steering wheel whilst the other was on the volume dial, turning the music up, trying to get Eddward to sing along with him. It took a moment, though by the time the song had hit its second verse, the gap-toothed male was singing, his cheeks flushed brightly, even as his shoulders moved to the beat of the song. Kevin laughed as Eddward did the same, the youngest of the pair snickering between the words before he finally bubbled over, snapping his fingers as he danced in his seat. _

_It had been some time since they had laughed together, and Kevin had believed it was almost impossible to break down the barrier that Eddward had built around himself since their first fight. Who would have thought that Barbie Girl, of all songs, would pull them together; even if it was temporary. _

_But the laughter didn't last long; at least, Kevin's laughter didn't, for it had died down in favor of listening to Eddward, listening to the free sounding chuckles and snorts that so easily passed the younger male. He wanted to think of this as their first date, their first time getting to know one another, an evening filled with cute blushes and awkward hand holding; sweaty palms. It pained him to think that he didn't really remember what they had done for their first date, though he did recall taking Eddward to see a movie, but which? He couldn't remember for the life of him. _

_With a single hand on the wheel, he came to a stop at the red street light, the song had ended a moment or so ago, and now something else equally loud and obnoxious was playing, but still Eddward was smiling, still he was sniggering as he tried to sing to whatever girl band was playing. Kevin smiled as he watched, though at the sound of a car honking behind him, he pressed upon the gas, rolling his eyes at his rear-view mirror. He drove forth without paying much attention to the traffic light, and yet as he entered the intersection, he realized he shouldn't have, for he was the only car moving. And just as he was going to back away, the faint sound of another car honking sounded, though this time he spoke up. "Ah shut the hell up!" He hissed, getting ready to back up into the appropriate lane. _

_He looked to Eddward with a smile, though, his smile faltered; it all happened so quickly, so fucking quickly. _

_His eyes were blinded by the headlights of the inbound car, Eddward was no longer singing, in fact, he was screaming, his hand reaching out for Kevin's, gripping it tightly, but the older male felt numb, almost useless even as he sat there at the driver's seat. _

_"Kevin!" Eddward was screaming, but his figure was overpowered by the brightness of the incoming cars headlights. His scream was blood curdling, the tightness of his hand was a strict, vice grip; but what broke Kevin out of his stupor was the collision, the fact that Eddward was the first to get hit. _

_Within moments, he could see nothing; hear nothing more than his boyfriend's screams and cries of terror, though they were distant; the sounds of tires dragging upon asphalt, metal clashing against metal, and the obnoxious ongoing honking of his car's broken system. _

_It all felt like some sort of…nightmare. _

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thoughts, comments, questions, concerns, reviews~?


	3. The Truth

**Notes:** _This chapter "The Truth" was rather...hard to write. Now now, know once again I am no medical personnel so please let me know if I've said anything wrong in regards to machinery, how the brain and even seizures work! _

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It had been at least ten to fifteen minutes since Dr. Carlson had allowed Kevin to enter the ICU, having explained to him that at any moment in time, Eddward could wake up. It could take upwards to a few days or as little as a few minutes, but there was the grave possibility that the young man would never wake up, and that Kevin would have to prepare himself for the worst, regardless of how hard it was. However, despite the incapacitated male waking up, there was the high rate possibility of him needing some sort of surgery in order to drain the excess fluid around his damaged brain; it was imperative that the doctors, sooner than later, saw what damages the accident had truly caused.

But deep down, Kevin honestly believed that Dr. Carlson himself didn't understand how hard this was. To the troubled young man, no one understood, and no one could ever relate, hell he didn't care if they themselves had ever been in an accident; he felt as if he was the only one dealing with such a happening, the only one who was on the verge of losing a loved one. Dr. Carlson had made the slightest attempt in appeasing the situation, but Kevin had ignored him, all that the doctor said had gone through one ear and out the other; Kevin simply wasn't listening anymore.

It had been at least ten to fifteen minutes since Dr. Carlson had left Kevin alone with Eddward, the glass door sliding closed behind the doctor, separating both young men from the rest of the hospital. The room was swallowed in a cold and uncomfortable silence, save for the beeping of the heart monitor, the steady hums from the ventilation system and the sounds of Eddward's ragged, unsure breath. There was some sort of contraption that had been connected from the ventilator the brunette's nose and mouth by way of some sort of blue conduit; there were wires, tubes, things that looked like they didn't even belong, and Kevin found himself wondering just why Eddward needed to have so much shit attached to him. He stood there, still near the door, his eyes hooded, vision blurred as he watched the younger male breath, his chest was quivering in a way it shouldn't, and his skin was ashen and cold looking, almost as if he were already dead. From where he stood, rooted to the stark white tiled linoleum, Kevin could see the faint lines of vein work beneath Eddward's skin. He could see the horribly swollen flesh around one of Eddward's closed eyes, and already the skin had begun to blacken. The very sight of his boyfriend there buried beneath the mechanical help of tubes, needles and the like had the red headed male feeling sick to his stomach, and in fact just looking upon Eddward, laying there, motionless truly disgusted him; he was sure that had he not kept his composer the bile that had made itself known in his throat would have, by now, surged into his mouth and onto the pristine floor.

_Fuck_

Kevin shuddered inwardly at the sight of Eddward's chest rising just slightly before caving in, almost as if he were struggling to breath. It was then he began to move, his steps hesitant, hands balling into tight, worried fists by his sides; his breathing had begun to labor slightly as he neared his boyfriend, and by the time he was standing near the unconscious man's bedside, Kevin was gripping the nearest side railing, his knuckles bearing white, dull nails digging into his palms. He hadn't noticed, but his shoulders were quivering whilst his knees buckled, if it hadn't been for the railing, the distraught male would have collapsed. There was sweat dribbling down his temple, even in the chilled room, as he watched his boyfriend closely; that bile that he had swallowed down moments ago was beginning to return. Up close, he could see the extent of Eddward's injuries: the budging blackened skin around his left eye, the bandaging around his neck and under his chin; he eyed the white wrapping around Eddward's head with a long sigh, his head hanging after some time and a quiet, body wracking sob soon left his lips. A trembling hand came to his eyes, thumb and index finger pressing into his vision, trying to stop the tears, but still they fell, still his heart ached and still he felt sick to his stomach; for a moment he had to turn his head away from his boyfriend, for he felt the bile shoot into his throat, he felt his chest swelling and his tongue tasting sour, but the moment passed and soon he was eyeing the unconscious male again.

Reaching out gingerly, Kevin slowly brushed the back of his knuckles against Eddward's cheek and was mildly surprised to find that his skin still felt warm, flushed even, despite the shill of his complexion. The last time he had seen Eddward, the help from the paramedics were placing a brace around his neck, but the doctors must have decided that it wasn't injured; thank God. His eyes raked the rest of his boyfriend's body, a quiet groan slipping past his lips as he stared at the thick cast about his arm, the wrappings around his fingers and even more tubes, white bandages and bulky things that just didn't look right; there were at least two needles protruding from the back of his hand and even from his wrist, once again, Kevin couldn't understand why.

There was a chair in the far side of the cramped room, but Kevin didn't move from Eddward's side for it, instead he crouched down all the while grunting and hissing inwardly at the pain that shot up his right hip. His eyes closed for a brief moment as he clenched his teeth; he cared not what the car accident had done to him, he had toughened out more than a leg injury. He could feel his shoulders shaking as he slowly, gingerly took hold of Eddward's nearest hand, careful of the thin tubes that pumped fluids into his system. With a sadden look, he held the limp appendage tightly in his grasp, but it couldn't have been tight enough, for even then his hands shook; even then he felt as if Eddward were letting go of him.

"Y-you know…" Kevin started, his voice quiet, barely filling the clean white room and breaking the silence that had passed between him and Eddward for some time. "I…I hate that guy that you hang out with so fucking much…" He whispered, his hand gripping Eddward tightly, a quiet, heart wrenching laugh tumbling from his thin lips. "I don't know where he gets off…pulling you away from me, like…like some fucking dog." His voice grew louder, though it was still nothing more than a whisper, but surely once could see with the way his form shook that he was angry. He spoke the words he had wished to say freely for so long, and even if Eddward couldn't hear him now, he continued on. Deep green eyes grew shadowed by lashes as he looked down, eyeing his hand as it clenched the listless, paler one, a quiet, distant sob shaking his frame. "You a-are my boyfriend…I'm the one you're supposed to spend that time with…" Kevin stammered as he spoke, trying to gather his thoughts, trying to speak as if Eddward were actually listening, staring at him from where he lay with his expressive light brown eyes.

A rather uncharacteristic laugh left Kevin's lips as he ran his thumb over the palm of Eddward's hand, though he did so to wipe away the droplets of tears that had landed there. He inhaled deeply though his exhale was shaky, and with each word that then passed his lips, he found it incredibly hard to speak properly. "N-Nazz has been giving…giving me some p-pointers…" He faltered as he tried to calm his breathing, though with each passing second he felt ready to break down and cry. "That's why…that's why I've been spending s-so much time with her…I-I wanted us back too y-you d…dork…" A sob broke passed his lips then and he could no longer hold to Eddward's hand as he buried his face into his palms, a long cry falling from his being.

"You can't fucking leave me! Not like this!" He nearly shouted with his eyes closed tightly. "If you're going to break up with me, then do it like a man!" His nails dug into his palms as he knelt there, the distraught male finally opening his eyes to look at Eddward, to see if he had, at all, opened his eyes; but nothing had happened, the beeping of the heart monitor stayed constant, not even a spike.

_Fuck_

There had been a moment, just a moment where he thought he had seen Eddward's eye twitch, but there had been nothing; even his breathing had stayed consistent, his chest caving in still as if he was struggling to breath.

Kevin had wiped up his tears with his sleeve and had long since gone back to holding Eddward's hand, gently rubbing his palm with the roughened pad of his thumb, and all had been silent, almost comfortably so; he had gotten used to the beeps and noises from the monitors around Eddward. He had gotten _so _comfortable that the sound of the monitor going out of whack, Eddward's heart rate spiking, the numbers on the screen rising and lowering all at once, had the young man practically screaming for help. And then, the most frightening of it all happened; not only had the bed begun to shake uncontrollably, but Eddward, being the reason for the shaking, had been the reason for it. His once listless, nearly dead body had come alive with tremors and quakes; it was a sight that had Kevin quickly standing, despite the pain that shot up his hip, and releasing Eddward's hand, fear striking him as still as stone.

He had almost forgotten to breath.

Even when the doctors and nurses rushed into the room, nurses running about like headless chickens in Kevin's eyes, useless bitches, he stood there still; his eyes were wide whilst his mouth was set in a thin line; the shock of it all had finally gotten to him. He watched in a traumatized silence as he watched the doctors, two of them, Dr. Carlson and a young woman, try to settle Eddward down in his hospital bed, but it looked almost impossible. The nurses did their best to pump Edward with whatever they could whilst calming his heart rate by way of their own methods, all the while screaming out numbers and oversized, unnecessary words; all of which Kevin couldn't understand. It all happened so fast and yet still Eddward shook and trembled uncontrollably upon his bed; it was happing long enough that a white, frothy like substance had begun to leak from the side of his mouth and down his chin. He could hear the doctors shouting back to the nurses, something about a seizure caused by hydrocephalus, or something along those lines. But to Kevin, everything had grown dull and faded, he was sure his eyes had blurred over and that there were tears rolling down his cheek.

He watched, pathetically useless as the doctors unlocked the bed from its position and with the help of the nurses, who took hold of the important IV's and monitors, quickly rolled Edd from his position near the wall. "W-wait—!" But his weak plea had been cut off as Dr. Carlson turned to him and in a rushed voice, all the while pushing Eddward's bed out of the room; the doors that led into the room itself were retractable, able to be pushed aside to expand the entrance lest this sort of situation happens.

"We have to get him to the OR right now Kevin! We're losing him!" Dr. Carlson sounded rushed, though oddly calm throughout the frantic rush of trying to save Eddward's life. Kevin watched in silence as one of the nurses pumped air through a hand held ventilator directly against his boyfriend's mouth and nose. He watched as they rushed the bed down the hall, the doctor that Kevin was not yet familiar with barking at bystanders to move out of the way.

Within moments, the room was empty. Kevin was silently standing there, his eyes wide as he made the attempts to follow after them. However, he took a single step, followed by another, his knees trembling, his heart racing; his palms had gone sweaty and his skin had gone white with shock. He stopped walking for a split second, though within that second, he was watching as the floor came closer, and soon enough he was landing, full weight, upon the tiled flooring.

Kevin had fainted after the rather unpleasant shock of watching Eddward seize in such a frightening, uncontrollable way. But what had truly stuck with him was Dr. Carlson shouting to him that…

They were losing Eddward…

The dork was going to die?

_Why couldn't it have been me instead_?

* * *

_SO!_

** Moongirl12121:** _I hope this chapter answered at lease some of your questions my dear!_

_Thank you__** everyone **__for your reviews! They keep me going you have no idea!_

_I will continue to update once a week, but if the mood truly strikes me, I'll update twice a week!_

_Also, I KNOW Edd's eyes are blue, It was a mistake I made at first, writing them as brown, but you know what; I'm okay with that!_

Please enjoy! Review till your hearts content!

_Potu_


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